Being the Perfect Parent to a High Needs Child

There’s something about being a momma to a high-needs kiddo that leaves you feeling a little unsatisfied. If you're saying “yes!” to this, then we should chat.

There’s a “tug and a pull” within these mommas, an inner desire to be the perfect mother for that type of child. This tug and pull can create unrealistic dreams and ideas about what “perfection” looks like. 

Here it is. It's the inner you pushing to do more, provide more, be there more, know more.

It seems to be a stronger pull when you feel you have failed to follow through on one of the 1,000 personal promises you have made to yourself. Moms, those personal promises are going to be your activator for being a perfect mother for your child. We need those personal promises. It’s what keeps us, moms in action. It’s what gets us up every day to achieve more than realistically possible. It’s what makes us superheroes. 

Inevitably a ball will drop, and our hero capes will fall to the ground.  We will find ourselves sitting behind 3 weeks of laundry, a stack of dishes, questionable leftovers in the fridge, and a list a mile long of other must-have “to-do” items.  We will ponder what we could have or should have done to support our child during XYZ, or how we should do this differently, or put this or that into action to “protect” them...By this point, it's probably best to move on. Your laundry and dishes should be the only thing growing in your house. Not your could-have or should-have lists.

Here's the sweet spot. You don't need to walk away from those “could have” or “should-haves” forever. You are still the mom looking for perfection for your little one, you just need to readjust what “perfection” looks like at the moment.

“Perfection” is not a stopping point; it's a chance for shifting your ideas...

It's letting the laundry pile up and being ok with it.

It’s ordering in because the questionable food is well... questionable.

It’s letting go of the feeling of failure during that XYZ moment with your child.

It's saying “no” to one more therapy session so your family can rest.

It's leaning into a friend when you can't keep going.

It's thinking of perfection in a new way.

If you're ready for a shift, here ya go

Today I'm going to challenge you to think about what perfection as a momma to a high-need kid looks like, and write down how you can shift your thoughts on that. 

How can you create “perfection” for your child that looks like a realistic promise to yourself? Instead of thinking I “should-have”, or “could-have”, write down what you DID have!

Example: “The laundry is as high as Mount Rushmore, that is ok, this too shall pass. Today my child has warm in clean clothes that he/she approved of wearing. That is ‘perfection.’”

Now read what you wrote. Read it until you feel comfortable with it.

I call this my Perfection Line.

Sure, it’s easier to write this down than to actually believe it. But here’s a cool tip: The more you read this line the more your brain will believe it.

If you need to read it 100 times a day, then by all means go for it. Eventually, you will believe your own words.  

Your new idea of “perfection” feels so good because it's so freeing

It's not going to be an overnight answer, but appreciation for things comes with hard meaningful work. 

Do you have a Perfection Line? I would love to read it. Click this link to share your perfection line. Hey, don’t have one, but would like some guidance? No problem, still click this link, and let’s create one together.